Its Me! Nothing Meant Today!
Complete profile of Mine cannot describe me! And Personal Diary too! However I'm here today pinning down my scribbles Yes! Just about the depth of criss-cross lines in my palm which makes my Life as a Beautiful Scribbles! "Scribbles!" Nothing meant. But meant a lot!!! Scribbles actually meant Aimless writing. I too here meant about sharing something about my aimless days which I never want to get back. The words I found today are nothing meant yesterday. Love, Friendship, Sharing, Relations, Care everything was been a strange words till the moment I found myself standing alone in dark without knowing where I was since.
A Sweet Family with Loving Mom and Dad, Honey Sisters and Brothers is not mine. Mine just includes two. Me and My Mom. The moments I crossed being alone is not a day or a year or few moments! Its just 8077 Days, 193848 Hrs, 11630880 Minutes, 697852800 Seconds. It looks big on reading But still I found no answer What I was on these moments!!!The word Solitude just captured only three-fourth of my Life.
The days when I left behind in home alone where my Mom moved out to her work before I get into school van becomes usual on days later. But the memories of earlier days of mine where my Mom stand behind to say Bye! till my school van cross her sight often says these days looks strange.The day when I has been alone in hospital to get treated for my illness still reminds me of my solitariness where I had not been left alone anywhere before. Everything happened because of my fathers last seconds. His trait of being cowardice left me and my Mom alone today. His 15th Death Anniversary was over this year still I found no solutions for why I destined to be like this. Not 15 years Its just 697852800 seconds where I was been with my Mom alone.
My world includes Me and my Mom only. No friends, relations are there but they are none for me. I also have one elder Sister she was grown up in my grandma's house since her birth. She also a stranger for me till 5 yrs before. How worse it is to think. Still I not even have a single moment to recall on these 15 Yrs. I was again here not to find my lost days just to lose somemore days because I am back to the place where all the road ways pocess my valuable precious moments of mine with my Dad. The last unforgettable bike ride is when I was 7 with my Dad in his favourite scooter. The way I crossed in bike with him is the way to my college today.
Everyday I used to cross the home that I stayed with my Dad. Even the seconds get extended when I cross that place to fill my heart obsessively with my Dad's missings and my solitariness. Lots and Lots of failures in aspect of Love, Care and in facing challenges and to grow up as I was being a girl.
I am writing this all not to share what I felt worse on my past just because to share what I learnt from my worse. The failures I gained taught me to be Independent, to be Better and to be perfect in all manner. Celebrating my weekends within the empty walls, closed doors, stucking in to the TV looks strange myself to think back.
Fine! It is hard to believe that I rescued my life from despairing past for my better future. I am to share how I fostered myself while I mess up.