Saturday, December 17, 2011

Am I Fine?

           Am I Fine? (Here it doesn't meant the look rather it speaks out the trait.) Do anyone know whether I'm fine or not? No one can answer this except myself! Then why I intends to ask " Am I Fine? " Because the Earth not includes "Me" alone to believe in "I can survive alone". Our environs includes some more and more some ones to care for. Someones may be Kiths and Kins and everyone we met. Where Kins are those who are related by blood as parents and some others. They wont analyse us instead they try to satisfy us of our needs and rectify us in some of our mistakes which is explicitly known.

        But the Kiths who are unknown may know more about us. In this hastening world we are spending more time being away from our family. The first three years since our birth are the fabulous days which never return back once lost because only on those days we are completely nestled into the warmth of love of our parents where our world too includes ourself and our parents alone. But once we stepped up to jumble with new ones we have to face up lots of gainsays. Per day approximately we spend 8 Hrs for sleeping and 8 Hrs for education or employment, and the remaining 8 Hrs might be with family. Even the latter might failed to many who stays in hostels for studies or who staying away from family due to their job. 
           So at the most we are intended to spend most part of our life with unknowns who are known to us as friends, class mates, teachers, colleagues, neighbours, leaders and so and so. Every one we met in our life such as some may spent just few minutes with us but they may left some foot prints in our life where some may wish to be with us with whom we wont fit to and some more to whom we wish to be with but often get pain of ignorance. This single Life contains everything and everyone we destined to be with. We cant refrain from getting something or meeting someone to which we are destined to. So we are in need to mellow us to handle the unique traits of people belongs to our environ. For easygoing with ours we must assure ourself for "Am I fine?".

           I believe in self contemplation which could mellow ourself to be a better one. It gives a complete study of resolved puzzles about "Am I fine with what I am leading to? How I am to others? Am I good in relationship with others?Are my Parents happy with my conduct? Do my friends feel better with me? When I get fury? When I get stressed? What are my faves and disfavors? and so on ". It must be analysed by ourselves considering how we react in dissimilar situations. Many may say "I want to be myself. Why I want to consider about what others think about me? " It is true and most of us agree with this. Me too. Possessing this thought makes me to spend my days being stubborn and lonely being alone in classes, not joining with others for any matters, where no one will consider me as me too belongs to the same class and not in classes alone I was departed everywhere from everyone .
          Now I felt very crappy to think back? I dont know why my brain not interested in forgetting those crappy memories. I just came out of it by enjoying the other face of Life which makes me to realize myself about How have I been in my past? But now it looks strange and enjoyable having fine moments with others, making others happy, handling the every situations with smile, and to love everyone and to be loved by others, extending my hands to wipe their tears, someone lending shoulder to hold my tears. Its doesn't mean that we must be fine with whom we are related to. It also meant to be better to who are all we met, adjusting with unalike traits of people and trying to learn something from them (How we should and How we should not). Because we too may do the same mistake which we find with others. This cant be achieved in few seconds where for me it tooks some few years to rescue myself. Many may analyse our characters and can guide us for our better behaviours but no one can read us completely and handle us and the only one who can handle our heart better is ourselves. Be ourselves and be better to others!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Remnant Of Dreams!

           Our human mind often darts with myriad desires. Its extreme is endless. But everything we desire are not achievable. Some daydreams may be such as becoming a millionaire in a single day or to become an angel or god using galaxy power as we seen in Tamil films or to facilitated with ability to read our academic books in fraction of seconds as Chitti(Robo) did in Endhiran. Every one would have experienced such a stargazes. Me too! We know that it is impossible to achieve but even though our human mind often wish to have a fun with our thoughts.

          Every dreams or desires are not fantasy. If we decide something as it must be achieved, then it is necessary to analyse the obstacles we going to face and the aftermath too for the better success. Yes, the success remains stable where the obstacles are delicately tackled and the consequences are drew reined. If we are really longing for something, our mind obsessively clung with it irrespective of its possibilities and consequences. The consequences may be good or bad. In such stage everyone won't act in a similiar manner. Some may analyse it whether we are desiring the right thing and also consider the future consequences to plan completely about what to do, how much effort we must put into and so on. 
          But some have a strong belief in "Everything is possible! Nothing is impossible!" without considering obstacles and consequences. It greatly works with higher effort to gain as we expected. But the success depends on the possibilities and how delicately we make for it. This is the stage where we move in to the control of our mind and we await for the chances to achieve it. Our desire often drove us to stargazes. The firm determination and Self-confidence helps to achieve our possibilities. Only the possibilities! 

           The great mistake we use to do while we aiming at something is expecting and imagining the output(the gain or positive result) before giving up the proper input. Its like having count on profit before commencing the bussiness. Analysing the profit is not the mistake but the problem here is dreaming about the gain before lossing the effort would make it hurtful when we unfortunately fails in it. Its so hurtful when our dreams getting away as illussion.
         It is not like that we can only achieve if we do things without expectations. Eventhough if we didn't expect anything too it hurts if we failed. Our pity little heart oft feels for failures, make guilt trip for mistakes, trapped by the distress due to loss. Its the human nature. But the pain in loss would be less effective and joy in success would be more if we put ourselves into whatever we do without having count on output. The failure on something which ate up our efforts would sow the confidence to try out it again where we have a count on neither success nor failure. And as same the happiness on achieveing something unexpectedly gives higher pleasure than anything achieved as we expected. Its always remains as a remnant of our dreams in retentions of our success for ever.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Life, To Me!

           Life! Meant a Lot. To me Life is what we engaged in.Whether it may be a Social Life or Personal Life everyone are engaged in something. In the rushing world we are driven by something other than ourselves. Today our Life is not our's. We are all hastening towards Money believing that it is the only thing needed to survive in this world and missing lots of happy moments. I dont blame who footing towards money where me too in phase to earn something. The earnings of my Mom is sufficient for our survival and to accomplish my graduation where the education loan made me to pursue post graduation.If it is not then I too may be in some employment leading my life towards money. Even though I swear that money is always secondary to me. I need it only to survive not to earn greedily or to lead a luxurious Life or to hoard it in stash.
          In Life apart from money there are some more terms love, care, Adaptions. The Life may have lots and lots of changes in fraction of seconds whether it may be a good or bad none can predict it. For me everyday every second is precious which never returns back. And though everything which given to me to be mine and everyone I meet are precious too. My Kiths, My Sister, My Mom, and my clans too. Clans are who we cant decide about to have them. But the Kiths where we met them accidentally, or in any events, or who closely match with our predilections or we may intend to feel them as our dearest one on frequent meetings.
          However, they influence our Life in some way through being in our deepest thoughts and leave few foot prints in our life. Every one possessing this role in my life are always special to me. My valuable moments are my leisure times where it would be spent only for my special ones. 

          My such moment includes some sunday, the whole day gifted to me to spend it with my Mom. My special cooking for her on that day (whether it may be good or bad) gives me more pleasure when it results in silent smile in her lips and her extreme love and care for the whole day specially to me. And every day whenever I get chance to reach home from college before my Mom I would like to prepare some few minutes edibles for her (Bread toast, Noodles). Where my free time with my Mom spend like this, My time with my sister is so unforgettable. Now she is married. But before that we always used to fight each other for every silly things. But now I miss her a lot. So whenever we get leisure times together we never miss it. Sometimes we spent it on shopping only for purchasing our favourites(out of need) each other and having repasts specially with our preferred in some eatery.
          Such happiest moments of mine doesn't includes my Mom and Sister alone out of them my sweet Kiths too. Time with them is most precious to me because they are too few and too cute. It gives me more pleasure to spend my leisure times specially for them by giving them some surprises, being with them when they have count on me and helping them in their decisions and so and so. Where they cant be with us all the times, but the sweet memories remains in us as the remnant of Love we spent each other. Its very pleasant to love more than to be loved. When we expect to be loved by someone it may fails sometimes and it is too hurtful. But I believe loving others will make me more happier. Here No Pain and No Loss too. The only thing would be whether our care is acceptable there or not. Because I'm too a human and not a fool to love everybody where my love and care felt not as worthy.
         My very old friend (met during my regular evening walk) who is enjoying his twilight years in old age home expects me to visit him frequently or atleast a phone call twice a week. What could I do for him better than calling him or being with him very few minutes and lending my ears to hear his words. I'm doing it for him. Some more friends wish to have a count on me to share everything I'm trying to meet them up to what I can do for them. Whatever I may say on satisfying others and loving others and may believe in everything going well but the real fact is no one can love others and loved by others completely. Jerk and break turn out sometimes and we must be very strong to end it well. Because Loving others is like 24 hours prayer! (Taken from my favourite Quote). I believe in it!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Its Me!

Its Me! Nothing Meant Today!
Complete profile of Mine cannot describe me! And Personal Diary too! However I'm here today pinning down my scribbles Yes! Just about the depth of criss-cross lines in my palm which makes my Life as a Beautiful Scribbles! "Scribbles!" Nothing meant. But meant a lot!!! Scribbles actually meant Aimless writing. I too here meant about sharing something about my aimless days which I never want to get back. The words I found today are nothing meant yesterday. Love, Friendship, Sharing, Relations, Care everything was been a strange words till the moment I found myself standing alone in dark without knowing where I was since.
A Sweet Family with Loving Mom and Dad, Honey Sisters and Brothers is not mine. Mine just includes two. Me and My Mom. The moments I crossed being alone is not a day or a year or few moments! Its just 8077 Days, 193848 Hrs, 11630880 Minutes, 697852800 Seconds. It looks big on reading But still I found no answer What I was on these moments!!!The word Solitude just captured only three-fourth of my Life.

The days when I left behind in home alone where my Mom moved out to her work before I get into school van becomes usual on days later. But the memories of earlier days of mine where my Mom stand behind to say Bye! till my school van cross her sight often says these days looks strange.The day when I has been alone in hospital to get treated for my illness still reminds me of my solitariness where I had not been left alone anywhere before. Everything happened because of my fathers last seconds. His trait of being cowardice left me and my Mom alone today. His 15th Death Anniversary was over this year still I found no solutions for why I destined to be like this. Not 15 years Its just 697852800 seconds where I was been with my Mom alone. 
My world includes Me and my Mom only. No friends, relations are there but they are none for me. I also have one elder Sister she was grown up in my grandma's house since her birth. She also a stranger for me till 5 yrs before. How worse it is to think. Still I not even have a single moment to recall on these 15 Yrs. I was again here not to find my lost days just to lose somemore days because I am back to the place where all the road ways pocess my valuable precious moments of mine with my Dad. The last unforgettable bike ride is when I was 7 with my Dad in his favourite scooter. The way I crossed in bike with him is the way to my college today. 

Everyday I used to cross the home that I stayed with my Dad. Even the seconds get extended when I cross that place to fill my heart obsessively with my Dad's missings and my solitariness. Lots and Lots of failures in aspect of Love, Care and in facing challenges and to grow up as I was being a girl. 
I am writing this all not to share what I felt worse on my past just because to share what I learnt from my worse. The failures I gained taught me to be Independent, to be Better and to be perfect in all manner. Celebrating my weekends within the empty walls, closed doors, stucking in to the TV looks strange myself to think back. 
Fine! It is hard to believe that I rescued my life from despairing past for my better future. I am to share how I fostered myself while I mess up.